


Light (English Version)

by Garcia_Allen



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Gen, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-21
Updated: 2020-05-21
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:55:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24305503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Garcia_Allen/pseuds/Garcia_Allen
Summary: Savitar thinks Barry Allen is light, and he always hates that.
Relationships: Barry Allen & Savitar
Kudos: 8





	Light (English Version)

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [【萨维塔中心/微萨闪萨】Light](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24288136) by [Garcia_Allen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Garcia_Allen/pseuds/Garcia_Allen). 



> This piece is written to consecrate to the memory of Savitar and the third anniversary of the finale of Season 3.
> 
> And it’s the first time I try to translate my work into English.
> 
> I tried, but, well, I’m not a native English speaker. If you find any grammatical error, please feel free to let me know.

**_I can hold so much light_ **

**_and darkness, too_ ** 1

I’m Savitar, God of Speed, and the first known speedster in the history.

Well, that’s all bullshit.

I'm a man, at least physically. I’m a duplicate, a time remnant, essentially even a disposable consumable. The only exception is that, I lived, due to a certain degree of destiny.

There was a price to pay, of course.

I don’t quite remember the original story, about how many time remnants he created exactly—probably too many—but they all came just like me; we scrambled to die for him.

They succeed, and, as you know, I became the one. The only one.

Trust me, it wasn't an interesting experience at all.

If I had to use a sentence to describe Barry Allen—the so-called original—he was like always glowing, notice, the past tense. He had been a superhero, while the fight with Savitar had gradually drained his hopes. His light was dimmed, but he was still Barry.

I’m not.

I still thought I was Barry back then. Even though I had lost an eye and had been disfigured, I was so sure that I could find a place in this new Central City.

I was wrong. Ridiculously wrong.

How could there be two Barry Allen in the world?

**TOO MANY.**

I was having a hard time.

In all fairness, it was indeed an unbearable time. I even thought about suicide.

But Barry Allen wasn't going to kill himself. The man who locked himself in S.T.A.R. Lab couldn't even do such a thing, well, neither could I.

I had his face, his fingerprints, and even his memories. It was me who finished what he was supposed to do.

But they all gave up on me, although no one had actually met Barry at the time.

It was time and time again, surprise and disappointment.

I hated the way they looked at me, and the way they called me Allen in a polite but distant voice.

In their eyes, I didn't even have an independent personality.

If Barry was light, I was not even his shadow.

He just dimmed, or maybe extinguished.

Yet I had inadvertently been swept up in the darkness.

Darkness could hold so much light, too.

He still had something remain, while there was nothing left for me.

There had be a reason why I survived.

This belief held me up, until it finally collapsed at a certain moment.

When I looked into the abyss, the abyss also looked into me. 2

I should've known better.

It was me who picked up that Philosopher Stone.

That was the beginning of the new cycle.

I wasn’t Barry Allen **ANYMORE**.

**_You are always enough light_ ** 3

That was long after.

When I saw this young Barry—the 2016 version—I realized that, oh, yeah, I hated him. I hated him indeed.

This one, who was being held against the ceiling and yelling out “who you are”, was too bright. Bright to the point of almost piercing eyes. He was still full of hope and had no idea what was about to happen.

He knew nothing about me.

I didn't mind giving him a chance to know me.

Through Julian's body to sit in the S.T.A.R. Lab again was a novel experience.

The days of standing on the opposite side with a different perspective were long gone.

The difference between “I'm here” and “I was here” was honestly a world away.

I knew the future of every single person in this room. I enjoyed those scrutinizing gazes, with which the fears of those who thought they were well concealed.

One should betray, one should fall, one should suffer a fate far worse than death. 4

The girl I once loved, even tried to claim in severe and categorical terms that no one believed or would believe me.

Such naive.

She was innocent indeed, but so what, I just cared more about myself.

I wasn’t Barry Allen.

Everything was moving methodically according to my plan.

It wasn’t that boring to follow doomed fate.

I escaped from that speed force prison, managed to get Killer Frost on the team, and so far as to made it without too much trouble for this Barry to figure out who I was.

Forgive me, this was just a little bit of mischief.

I loved the trembling in his voice and the brokenness in his tone when he looked at me.

I was even kind enough to show him a certain degree of my inside. He seemed unable to imagine that he and his companions could do such a cruel thing to an innocent life.

But that was the truth. It was what makes up my past.

I didn't like to think about the time when I lost my memory, I mean, the only thing I could tell, was how wet I felt in my face after recalling everything.

Don't say anything. Please. Shut up.

I still managed to get Iris.

What was this supposed to mean, "I was your son once”?

No, never, that wasn’t my name. 5

I killed H.R.

Fuck.

To reiterate, I hated Barry Allen.

This Barry, however, made decisions with ease that no one had ever even considered.

He was not the past me, and he was not that future Barry. In that moment, I became clearly aware of the difference.

I couldn’t imagine what it would like when his light goes out someday.

He was always enough light.

He said, “I’m still in there. Come home. ”6

It was the same S.T.A.R. Lab, it was those familiar people, and even the words that came out of their mouths didn't make much of a difference.

But Barry was serious, so serious that it bordered on making me laugh. He didn't have a plan for me obviously, but he could say this whole shitty "we can explore the future together" thing easily.

Iris? Maybe.

I didn’t even care.

I was about to break out of this damn cycle.

Everything I longed for beckoned to me at the other end.

I was dying, but hopeful.

It was the last chance for me.

Well, I still fucked this up.

Even Barry could take my armor.

Fine, you killed me, you became me. 7

My spirit would endure.

But he hesitated, he stalled; he put his hand down.

He was so dazzling.

Maybe he was different indeed.

The gun went off.

All things fell silent again.

In the darkness, the remaining body disintegrated into fragments, blown up and fading by the late spring breeze.

Shining faintly in the dead of the night.

END

**Author's Note:**

> Citations:
> 
> 1&3: From wilder's poems collection, "NOCTURNAL", at P40-41, P60.
> 
> 2: Adapted from a famous Nietzschean quote
> 
> 4: Original lines from S03E09
> 
> 5: Original lines from S03E22
> 
> 6&7: Original lines from S03E23
> 
> ————————————————————  
> Well, I wouldn’t say it’s the best level I can achieve right know, again, I tried. Anyway, thanks for reading.


End file.
